i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
