Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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