Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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