The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
