i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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