Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
