How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
