I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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