my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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