if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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