tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
