i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
