I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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