Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
