Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize