Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
