just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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