The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
