you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
