I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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