apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
