if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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