I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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