You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
