Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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