You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
