Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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