he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
