Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize