ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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