My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
