we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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