I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
