Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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