Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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