I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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