At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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