I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.