My underwear smells like fireworks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️