I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie