of course. lets lasso hookers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men