fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.