My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50