Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
