The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
