Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
