Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's just like the Real World with babies
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
