sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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