u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
