i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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