There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
