For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
