my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at about main and main street
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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