and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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