the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need to calm my uterus...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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