i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
FUCK WHALES
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
