How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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