I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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