I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Houston, we have a blender
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
