BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
