ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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