mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
