just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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