Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
