I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
