remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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