i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
