the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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