remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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