What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
