Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
