Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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