You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
