Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
