sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
