I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
