...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
