I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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