i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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