Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
