I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
