this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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