Only a mothe r could love this liver
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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