and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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