I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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